so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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