You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
