Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
