just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
