You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
