eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
