32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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