There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
