Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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