Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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