Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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