He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
