He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
