Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
