you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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