he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
