I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
