i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
