he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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