Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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