i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize