I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize