I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
