Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
