so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
