i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
