I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You were trust falling into bushes
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
