so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize