There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
