i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
