I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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