his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
