So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
