So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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