Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
