The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize