Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
