Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
