I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
