He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
