i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
where am i from again
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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