Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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