Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
