Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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