you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
