Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
