i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize