apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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