if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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