i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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