I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize