she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
