singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
