I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
