What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
