my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
