Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
