You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
