Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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