dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize