i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
