mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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