he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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