I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
