No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize