I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
