you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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