You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
