She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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