Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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