He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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