you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
