Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Dear god my vagina.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
