Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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