Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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