peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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