I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
They have beer where we have blood.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
