So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
