she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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