I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
