Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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