If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
