Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
