And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
