wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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