it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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