is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
