sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
