Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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