I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
