Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
