I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
