you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
