i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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