i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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