Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
