I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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