ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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