Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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