i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
