I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
