That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
