Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
