My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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