OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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