stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dick very happy bro
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
